An attempt at something a bit more classy

I feel like I've been neglecting my blog, not in postings, but more in the content of those postings. Im supposed to be an English major, and I feel like my blog deserves something a bit more together and focused than the ramblings I've been posting. So, here goes.

I've been doing a lot of thinking as of late. Most of it about school, which consequently leads into thoughts about my own life. I know full well that at this point, I am solely in University for the sake of getting a degree. It would be somewhat of a bonus if, at the end of 4 years at Glendon, I had some sort of inkling as to what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

In all honesty, I am completely terrified of what could happen after I graduate. I am so afraid that I'm going to fall into some pathetic routine of whitecollardom. It would be a personal failure for me if I did. I see all these people on the subway, either on my way to school or Ontario Place, sitting on the subway with their briefcases, pressed shirts and ties and I am terrified. I dont want to fall into some horrid boring routine of going to an unrewarding job 9-5, and coming home to a cookie cutter suburban home like so many people do. I want more, I just dont know what.

Actually, I do know exactly what I want, it's just a matter of getting there. I know I want to be a musician. The only issue I face is the resounding lack of support I seem to be getting from the people closest to me. My father is indifferent, my mother keeps rattling off something about how I "dont practice enough" and my brother is completely convinced of his own superiority. I fired my last music teacher because he was a cynical bastard whose favorite teaching method was berating me. He also was teaching music as a science, which isnt at all helpful if you want to create your own. Im at a point where I just feel like I will never get anything off the ground because it will get blown up in the hangar. I have pages of lyrics, chord progressions, solos and riffs, but Im getting so down on myself that I dont seem to be able to build anything cohesive out of them. I know I need to start ignoring the outside factors, but it can be insanely difficult at times.