Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Is this ADD?

I've come to the realization, after a lot of thinking and talking to people who know me, that I'm not really a "pour myself into something" type of person. That is, I think that I seem to be more of a fringer than anything else - I get multiple things going at once, distribute my energy among those things as evenly as possible, yet never fully get involved with any of them. I don't exactly know why I'm like this, but it can be immensely frustrating at times. There are tonnes of things that I want to put more time into, yet it seems as soon as I try to "buckle down" on one thing, two more are creeping up on me and demanding my attention. The end result, at least for the past couple of years, has been a feeling that everything that I have worked on has been done somewhat halfassedly, or at the very least not given 100% of my energy.

Take, for example, the poem I have to read/prepare a handout for in my Lit class. I seem incapable of sitting down, reading the poem, reading it again, analyzing it, going back through it for things I missed, and essentially getting everything I need done in one sitting. Instead, I read it once, play guitar, eat, read half of it again, watch TV, go out for a half an hour, come back, read the same half again, etc. What's really frustrating is that I know this is not at all conducive to my learning, yet no matter how many times I remind myself of this fact, I seem incapable, or at least unwilling, to change it.

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