Wow and wow

I will keep this short and sweet.

WOW!

I am flying so high right now (drug free i might add) that i cant even put it into words.

Folks, take my advice, follow your heart, and be honest about what youre feeling - cut through the bullshit. I almost lost something really important because of the bullshit.

~ Joe

Muzak

So, heres the top 5 songs that have helped me survive summer.

5) Out of My Head - Mobile
4) Devil In a Midnight Mass - Billy Talent
3) Robot Ghost - Now Yr Taken
2) To No One - The Postage Stamps
1) Do It For Me Now - Angels and Airwaves

Some are slightly more embarassing than others. Im honestly surprised how much Angels and Airwaves has grown on me. I mean, I loathed the idea of seeing them live, but its been all uphill ever since, and Do It For Me Now is the best song on the album.

Anyways, Im off to Glendon to buy books, then to work for the joy that is a 4-12 shift. Laterz

Uug, Im in a surly mood

My parents have what i can best describe as a compulsive need for control. My mother far more than my father, but he also has his moments. This compulsive need for control is extremely frustrating at times, and it seems to be getting worse. I hope im not sounding like a whiney teenager right now, because Im honestly not trying to. Its just that they seem to be unwilling to let me be myself and grow up.

For one thing, and this is extremely annoying, they need to be informed of every detail of my life. They expect detailed explanations of everything that takes place during my day, including vivid descriptions of every little nuance of my job. This is immensely frustrating, as quite frankly the last thing i want to do when not at work is explain what the hell i do at work. My mom also feels the need to comment on everything i do. This is equally frustrating, as, quite frankly, her opinion is often irrelevant, and quite frankly she doesnt know enough about the situation to have an opinion.

Take, for example, the scheduling at work. I am the only male team leader at Cinesphere, and one of my fellow team leaders also faces a 2 hour commute home, with the last bus she can catch leaving kipling station at 1:30. (This basically requires her to be out of OP by 12:30 at the very latest. As a result, I have often taken an extra night shift or two, as quite frankly i dont mind it, and im not in such a precarious commuting position. My mothers opinion is that this is unfair, as everyone is equal, screwing the fact that there is a risk that one of my coworkers may not be able to make it home if she stays too late, and the other one would have to walk through a very seedy area of parkdale. Oh no, fairness, i shouldnt shoulder myself with extra nights, and im being too "submissive" in doing so.

Thats just a tidbit of the crap i have to deal with on a regular basis. Whats worse is that my parents are the type who have the "im right because im your parent" and "youll do what i say because you live under my roof" approaches. They are unwilling, or perhaps unable, to let me develop in the way i want to. They tell me that im not focused or talented enough to pursue music as a career, and that going into a music program would be a waste of a degree (despite this being what i want to do). My mom shuns any comment i make about the catholic church being wrong. (One of my favourite comments when approaching an unsure situation is "if there is a god (something will happen) her reply to this, in a dead serious tone, is "Joseph, you know there is a god.) She seems to live in some ideological dream world where i dont drink, have never tried pot, and have some fucking naive chaste view of the opposite sex. (While the last comment is perhaps partially true, im not one of those "nurr boobies" type of guys, she still thinks im not mature enough to handle a relationship.)

Wake up people. Its no wonder that I lie to you, omit things from my stories, and minimize my interation with you. You are boring, controlling people whose lifestyle only serves to be a source of my frustration. Continue living in your little bubble, im not even going to discuss my want to move out of this godforsaken suburban home, im just going to spring it on you one day. Then, hopefully, you'll realize the flaws in your ways, though i fear by then it will be too late.

My Letter to the "Music Business"

Dear Sony BMG,

FUCK YOU

You nearly killed my computer you money grubbing peice of corporate shit. Why? Because i wanted to copy a System of a Down CD that I LEGALLY bought onto my ipod. Your stupid fucking "anti-piracy" software deleted the firmware of my CD drive, crashed my itunes and deleted a very important email i was writing. WHAT THE FLYING FUCK GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO "COPY PROTECT" YOUR MUSIC TO A POINT WHERE IT VIRTALLY DESTROYS MY COMPUTER!?!?!?!?!?! FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU and FUCK YOU. Do you know what I did, i went and downloaded the album. Theres a big fuck off eh? Your attempt to prevent me from doing something illegal actually forced me to do something illegal i never intended to do in the first place. FUCK YOU

Why I often HATE my job

Home from work at 2am. 3 hours of restless sleep later, and Im up again to be in for 8:15. God I love this job.

O Billy, you are so Talented

Some things catch me off guard. I kind of impulse bought an album today. I was in future shop to get some new headphones, and i noticed that Billy Talent's new album was on sale for ten bucks. So im like "ok, I liked the first album, why not?" so i bought it. Im glad i did. Its just a really awesome album, very tight, well written musically and lyrically, and the production is awesome. I am happy.

Stressed! (It's just Desserts spelled backwards)

Auugh, so much stress, this should not be happening, this was supposed to be a fucking simple summer job, not this escalating shitstorm of stress and workplace politik. It can only get better from here...at least I hope so.

I wish i had the resolve to deal with my emotions......or at the very least be honest to myself about what im feeling. I dunno if its part of my overall passive nature or what, but it seems that I have a great deal of difficulty acknowledging how I feel about a person, nevermind actually being honest to the person im feeling that way about. It really sucks sometimes.

So much to say, such an inablility to put it into words

So, lots of shit has gone down lately. Im going to try and build it into something cohesive and bloglike, and we'll see what happens.

So, Ontario Place is a good way to start i guess. That place is both the bane of my existence and a source of great fun, if that makes any sense at all. I love the people, well, some of the people, to death, theyre truly awesome. However, the levels of ever increasing bullshit that I seem to have to put up with is prompting me to step up my adoration of caffeene ever so much.

It also doesnt help that my feelings, apparently recovered from the lovely little hell they went through earlier in the year, are back into the picture. Pain in the arse sometimes.

Rattle and Hum is a fucking great album. It has some of U2's best, yet least accessible material.

I seem to be cursed with a need to look back and analyze my past actions. Specifically, Im thinking about how i dealt with the whole situation involving her. Imean, I kind of inadvertently cut her out of my life, we went from seeing eachother a few times a week to not seeing eachother at all. I guess, and it was inevitable, I do miss her. Imean, all things aside, she was a really good friend to me, i just dont know what to do. I cant fall again, that much i know.

I wish i could just sort everything im feeling right now out, and come to some sort of cohesive knowledge about what im feeling, and what to do. Fuck, i just want to be happy, is that too much to ask.

Please excuse the emoness

Joe