Well that was F***ing Interesting

Wow,

You know, I hear about people's lives coming to a halt around them, or alternately their lives crashing right in front of them, but you don't really perceive it as plausible until it happens to you.

I wouldn't say my life came crashing down tonight, but more came to an absolute halt, and I am now forced to basically rexamine alot of things around me.

This mainly revloves around her, I'm not going to say her name out of respect, but those of you who know what I'm talking about know who she is.

Our relationship has always been a bit odd. There were lots of open spaces, lots of stuff undefined. By no means would I have considered us to be dating, thats the sort of thing that requires absolute definiton (i.e. "Joe, we are dating"). Nah, It was just that I knew I had feelings for her, and I was sure that they were requitted to at least some degree, the timing just wasn't right.

However, a lovely, big 'ol wrench was thrown into the machine tonight. She told me that she was considering getting back together with him.

Honestly, it scares the shit out of me.

Its not that I see our relationship being ruined - if that happens, it happens, there's nothing I can do. However, I know what he is capable of doing to her, he's done it once before. What he has done is horrid, and in my eyes one of the most henious things a person can do to another person. I don't understand how she could want to get back together with him - actually I do, but it makes no sense. Anyway, I'm being deliberatly vague here simply to protect her as much as possible, which is what I need to do.

I guess I'm left with a couple of hard decisions here. What do I say to her? What if she doesn't listen to me? Who else do I go to? Do I need to walk away?

That last one is the hardest. As much as I care for her, and I do a great deal, I know I'm at a point where the depth of her issues are affecting the way I function. I feel like I'm carrying some sort of weight. Up until now, I didn't seem to mind it, but this is something totally new, something I am totally unsure of how to deal with, and it is really having a negative effect on me.

Strangely, or perhaps not at all, U2 seems to be the only therapy that can at least keep my mind off of it if not actually make me feel better. There is something about the Edge's guitar work. It has the ability to peirce my soul, it resounds deeper than any other music. I have their newest DVD (Vertigo 05 in Chicago) playing in the background right now. There's something amazing about it, though I'm not sure what. I really have been liking Mysterious Ways lately, and that one just finished, its a great track.

Anyway, thats enough for now.

Cheers

Joe