Supersoaker Manjuice 3000?

Someone at the Super Soaker ad agency has a sick, sick sense of marketing

http://host.exemplum.com/hasbro/supersoaker/videos/oozinator/oozinatorVid.htm

Ontario Place!

Wooo!

So, Ontario Place is quite possibly one of the best non-school related things that has happened to me in recent memory. Its a much nicer enviornment than Loblaws ever was. Maybe I'll actually enjoy going to work, what a novel idea.

Uug, I hate waiting for marks, especially due to the fact that I'm really unsure of a few classes and marks. Whatever happens, I guess its just waiting now.

Did you know it takes over 75 steps to fully open the concession at Cinesphere? I find that kinda need.

This blog is kinda allover the place, thats how I'm feeling right now (thank you Sleeman's). LOL

Ack!

Ok, so as I thought I would last night, I went back and edited out parts of what I said last night.

I should be studying for my history exam right now, but I am kinda feeling lazy. I have a craving for bad chinese food. Theres a great place up the street at Cedarbrae, and the food is awesome. The only problem is the mall closes in half an hour, and Im feeling lazy. Ah well, crappy costco lasagna it is.

Which came first: The bad idea or me?

Wow,

I think this is the first time I've actually blogged two days succesively, something must be wrong.

Though that is kinda obvious.

I still think I'm at a point where I'm unwilling to accept the level of hurt she's caused me, I'm still trying to put what I feel as strictly my concern for her well being.

It's wierd how I write in one sentence paragraphs. It seems to just match my train of thought.

It's odd, I'm basically going back now and examining everything I've done with her, everything she's said to be, everything I've unquestioningly believed. Could I have been played? Could this have all been some sort of perverse facade to exploit my good nature? I really cringe at the thought, but I can't help but wonder.

I guess the sugar coating is melting, because stuff I just accepted for whatever reason I'm now starting to analyse and pick up on and whatnot. I know this is probably horrible, but her whole attitude towards her sexual relationships is really kinda perverse, and not in an endearing sort of macho testosterone way that my gender seems to favour so much. (Though I never quite figured out why, I think it's kinda gross). I dont know if I have some sort of uptight moral fabric or something (I generally think I dont, its one of the things Im not uptight about) but seriously, what she's been bragging about is just kinda despicable.



I think I'm beginning to accept the fact that regardless of what she told me yesterday and how that pans out, I am going to have to move on relationship wise. I know it's probably stupid, but I changed my facebook status from It's Complicated to Single. Trivial, but it has meaning to me. It just kind of sucks, because we kind of made some level of long term plans together - like doing things, going places etc, and I dont know what will become of that now. Fuck, in some ways, I wish my life had a rewind/erase button, that would be nice.

I also realize that part of what I'm feeling is due to the fact that I pretty much put myself totally into our friendship. Imean, my only concern was her, I really didn't think of myself all that much. In retrospect that is a bad thing, and I wish I hadn't done that. For one thing, it makes the pain worse, and second I have far less money because of it.

GOD IM FACKING EMO!

This is so bad, but I guess its the closest thing to therapy I want. Actually, talking to Nadia is the closest thing I have to therapy, and that has helped a lot. She's amazingly understanding. It's kind of nice.

On a totally different note, I finally went out and bought In A Coma by Matt Good. It's his greatest hits disc that covers both solo and MGB stuff. It's one of those albums I keep meaning to get, but keep forgetting to get. I bought Avalanche the day it came out, simply because I was in love with Weapon. Then I kept meaning to buy White Light Rock and Roll Review, but kept forgetting/putting it off. Then In A Coma came out last year, and likewise I kept meaning to get it. Matt Good is one of those artists that you keep meaning to buy, but always forget to look for while at the store, and then remember that you forgot when your on the subway halfway home. I used to be like that with Our Lady Peace. Anyway, In A Coma was on sale for eight bucks at best buy today, and it was totally staring me in the face, so I'm like THAT I WILL BUY! And i did. And it is bloody awesome. Matt Good is one of those artists that doesnt really penetrate my conciousness the way U2 or Now Yr Taken has, but I never regret it when I listen to it. Its nice, though for some reason, I cannot listen to Avalanche from cover to cover, it gives me a headache. I have no idea why, there are a couple of albums that do that, I can only listen to maybe a half dozen tracks, and then blam! headache. Avalanche is one of those albums, as is Detox by Treble Charger. That one is far worse though, if I just put the album in and press play, I have a headache by the second track. I actually have to make sure that I go into the middle of the record, and listen from there. There is one more album that gives me a headache, though I can't remember what it is right now.

Anyway, thats all for now

Cheers

Joe

Edit: I forgot to add that my day got even worse today. I went to the senior's home today for "Volunteer Appreciation Day" (Kinda lame but whatever) and I found out that one of the entertainers that does events their fairly regularly died. It's wierd, because as much as he was just some dude with an acoustic guitar playing a bunch of Toronto Senior's Homes, I always considered him a really cool guy and a sort of creative influence on me. He was an amazing performer, and he really did it for the music, which when your stuck in a realatively low paying, boring circut can be difficult. I will really miss him, rest in peace Josh.

Well that was F***ing Interesting

Wow,

You know, I hear about people's lives coming to a halt around them, or alternately their lives crashing right in front of them, but you don't really perceive it as plausible until it happens to you.

I wouldn't say my life came crashing down tonight, but more came to an absolute halt, and I am now forced to basically rexamine alot of things around me.

This mainly revloves around her, I'm not going to say her name out of respect, but those of you who know what I'm talking about know who she is.

Our relationship has always been a bit odd. There were lots of open spaces, lots of stuff undefined. By no means would I have considered us to be dating, thats the sort of thing that requires absolute definiton (i.e. "Joe, we are dating"). Nah, It was just that I knew I had feelings for her, and I was sure that they were requitted to at least some degree, the timing just wasn't right.

However, a lovely, big 'ol wrench was thrown into the machine tonight. She told me that she was considering getting back together with him.

Honestly, it scares the shit out of me.

Its not that I see our relationship being ruined - if that happens, it happens, there's nothing I can do. However, I know what he is capable of doing to her, he's done it once before. What he has done is horrid, and in my eyes one of the most henious things a person can do to another person. I don't understand how she could want to get back together with him - actually I do, but it makes no sense. Anyway, I'm being deliberatly vague here simply to protect her as much as possible, which is what I need to do.

I guess I'm left with a couple of hard decisions here. What do I say to her? What if she doesn't listen to me? Who else do I go to? Do I need to walk away?

That last one is the hardest. As much as I care for her, and I do a great deal, I know I'm at a point where the depth of her issues are affecting the way I function. I feel like I'm carrying some sort of weight. Up until now, I didn't seem to mind it, but this is something totally new, something I am totally unsure of how to deal with, and it is really having a negative effect on me.

Strangely, or perhaps not at all, U2 seems to be the only therapy that can at least keep my mind off of it if not actually make me feel better. There is something about the Edge's guitar work. It has the ability to peirce my soul, it resounds deeper than any other music. I have their newest DVD (Vertigo 05 in Chicago) playing in the background right now. There's something amazing about it, though I'm not sure what. I really have been liking Mysterious Ways lately, and that one just finished, its a great track.

Anyway, thats enough for now.

Cheers

Joe

He was Nailed to a Tree People!

Well, another long weekend has passed, this one based upon reverance of some man who was nailed to a tree over 2000 years ago. Geez. You'd think we'd have stopped grieving by now!

Ok, sacrelige aside, I had a good weekend.

I got to meet fred, my 30-something year old cousin I didnt know I had up until this past Christmas....Its a long story.

I realize how unconcerned Ive been with the world at large lately, and my own apathy is starting to bother me. It wasn't even a year ago that I was a far fireryer member of the left, with my youthful neo-socialistic views ignited by Rage Against the Machine and System of a Down. Now I dont know whats happened, Im so apathetic. I think Im going to have to rexamine myself

I feel Emo for some reason

Ugh,

I don't know why I'm blogging something this personal, I don't want attention or sympathy, I just feel like I owe it to myself, or her, to write what I'm thinking at this moment.

So, a lot of what I was feeling came to a head last night, over an MSN conversation that went for nearly 2 hours. I learned a lot in that time, things I didn't even consider, things so intense that it is almost beyond my comprehension. There was far more underlying than I ever could have thought. The result of this is some level of new depth to our "relationship" - if that's what you call it.

It was weird, because I approached the situation trying to find answers for my own feelings, mainly why she was always cryptic - neither requiting nor rejecting my advances. However, as the night went on, and I learned more and more, I felt my feelings change almost entirely. I feel now like I owe it to her to be around, I cant really explain it without divulging some very personal stuff that I'm not at liberty to repeat. Needless to say though, this is definitely going to change our personal dynamics, I dont know in what way, but all I know now is that I need to be there for her rather than trying to make her want to be with me.

Like Nadia says, no one reads this anyway, this is just my therapy

Last Show of the Year Kids!

Alrite, just did the last show of the year for the Killer B's on CKRG 89.9 Radio Glendon. Thanks to all my listeners, and if you missed the show, I counted down the top 10 Killer B's, which was supposed to be the original premise of my show before it evolved into The New Music.

The Top 10 Killer B's

10. Matthew Good - Lullaby for a New World Order (Avalanche)
9. Coldplay - Green Eyes (A Rush of Blood to the Head)
8. Finger Eleven - Awake and Dreaming (Tip)
7. The Killers - On Top (Hot Fuss)
6. System of a Down - ATWA (Toxicity)
5. Barenaked Ladies - A (Maybe You Should Drive)
4. Bedouin Soundclash - Rude Boy Don't Cry (Sounding a Mosaic)
3. Rage Against the Machine - Calm Like a Bomb (Battle of Los Angeles)
2. k-os - Papercutz (Joyful Rebellion)
1. U2 - Miracle Drug (How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb)

Thats the list, and if you dont like it...well...apply to be a DJ for next year and make your own damn list!

Destination Imagination

w00t! I was at St. Basils AGAIN this Sat for the always popular Destination Imagination finals, which is weird given the fact that I SWORE on my life I would never be there again after winning 2 years ago. To my credit, I was managing this year, however, my brother got involved.

All worked out, Im still waiting on the results (HYLTON!!!!). Hopefully the team did well, but I really don't want to have to supervise them in Tennessee!

I'm not really in the best of places right now. I'm going to have to buckle down and get stuff done, which I hate doing. I'm also not exactly sure what the hell I'm supposed to do with my life. It was weird today, Lauren texted me to tell me that she got accepted into Keele's Theater Program. I'm stoked for her, as its a good program, and Lauren at Keele is far better than Lauren in Ottawa.

However, it got me thinking. Imean, Theater is what Lauren wants to do, either to eventually teach or act. But, what the hell do I wanna do? I know its not English or PoliSci, I'm doing those because they are tolerable and I'm good at them. Truth be told, I know I want to do something music-related, abeit a performer, or something technical. The question then becomes, should I be pursuing a degree in that, or hone my skills while at school, and then use the degree to further myself?